You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
