So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
