i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
