I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
