You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
