you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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