Im at strip club and am horny
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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