there's paper in my vomit.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
