i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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