My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
