Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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