If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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