dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
