You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
