you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
