I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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