apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
