I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
