WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
