That's when you crack a 10am beer
what day is it and did you see me today?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
