What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
