so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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