I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
