I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
