i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
