Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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