life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
