There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will be naked everywhere
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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