White coat. Heels.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
