Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're too hungover to prance.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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