this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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