Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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