Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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