you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
