Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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