But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just had sex on a roof
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
