I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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