I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
