well I can't set my house on fire every night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just pee around me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
