I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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