We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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