Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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