so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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