Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
