Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
