remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
