If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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