I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
