ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
