i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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