I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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