Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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