Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
