i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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