My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
