I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
