Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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