You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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