Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
