Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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