Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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