When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
