The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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