Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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