my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
