Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
