wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
